The moment

I've just read "Saving God" by Mark Johnston, whose major point is that our "self" is spread over the world, and that the "afterlife" of our selves is a form of idolatry. While I agree with him that our "atomic" self is fictional, fiction is still a work of art, and I find it hard to believe that God would throw away artwork; most of us think it is an awful loss that we are losing all the Victorian fiction, gradually, just by forgetting it's there, or the newspapers and magazines of 40 years ago. We keep our children's early scribbles. I think God doesn't want to lose us, even if "we" are not as separate from the world and each other as we think.

There is so much I like in "The Wisdom of Solomon". A project that I should undertake, but which will probably never get done, is to compile my own "Bible", with entries from, of course, the Bible, and related collections, but also passages from other writers who speak to me: Thoreau, for example. And illustrate it with photos of my life, and my family, just to remind me why I am doing "all this", whatever "this" is!

Not going to meeting enough

I haven't been to meeting enough and I can tell. It's not the same but some deliberate quiet worship at home would help and also motivate me to go to meeting, if only for first hour.

Fast internet, internet fast

I can't avoid email, but I can avoid reading news and nonsense on the internet. So, I am going to try an internet fast. My family and friends communicate with me via email, so I can't drop that, but I'll set my browser to only mail sites for a week, to start with. Instead, I will have to do my coursework and plan meals and fix the house, all the things I avoid with the internet.

Just sitting

My mind is a mess, full of anxiety and worry. Sometimes just sitting, as though I were in meeting, seems to calm me down. I need to stop, and become quieter. Yesterday, I played music with A, and it was the high point of my week.

On not finding Buddhism useful for me

For some reason I am finding Buddhist books less and less inspirational or useful for me. I think that I would have found Buddhist philosophy very helpful when I was younger. These days I need a philosophy that emphasizes personality and creation.

Keeping silence in the car, instead of turning on the radio.