Not going to meeting enough

I haven't been to meeting enough and I can tell. It's not the same but some deliberate quiet worship at home would help and also motivate me to go to meeting, if only for first hour.

Fast internet, internet fast

I can't avoid email, but I can avoid reading news and nonsense on the internet. So, I am going to try an internet fast. My family and friends communicate with me via email, so I can't drop that, but I'll set my browser to only mail sites for a week, to start with. Instead, I will have to do my coursework and plan meals and fix the house, all the things I avoid with the internet.

Just sitting

My mind is a mess, full of anxiety and worry. Sometimes just sitting, as though I were in meeting, seems to calm me down. I need to stop, and become quieter. Yesterday, I played music with A, and it was the high point of my week.

On not finding Buddhism useful for me

For some reason I am finding Buddhist books less and less inspirational or useful for me. I think that I would have found Buddhist philosophy very helpful when I was younger. These days I need a philosophy that emphasizes personality and creation.

Keeping silence in the car, instead of turning on the radio.

A completely silent meeting today

Today our meeting was completely silent; that happens more commonly than not. But I had a very hard time keeping my mind from bouncing all over the place.

Means and ends

The lesson I learned this weekend was from Bayrd Rustin: your means shapes your end. That is why you need to be very mindful about what means you use, and why nonviolence is not just a tactic.